My oldest kid had a fever last Thursday. 100.4. They were sent home from work (yes, I said they-they/them pronouns are being used). Because of this, I have quarantined them in their bedroom with a designated bathroom. All day long we deliver food on disposable plates to limit dishes going in and out. We text and call to check in. They have a thermometer and check their temp.
I am home from work. My work wants me to stay home until we get test result. Have you tried to take a a test recently? There is a lot of searching online for available appointments. Because getting a test requires an appointment. I finally got one by getting up at 4:30 to see the newly released appointments. Now we wait. Test results are taking a while-7-10 days.
There are 4 of us at home and we all trying to manage this situation. Sometimes I wonder if I am being to strict. But I know this was the CDC recommendation when one member of a household is suspected to have Covid-19.
In many ways, we are so lucky. We have enough money, insurance, etc. But we also worry. And get anxious about everything. So far we haven’t seen any new symptoms. I’m holding onto that as good news.
Which means this post will probably be ready by zero people. Despite that, I have been feeling like getting back into writing. It’s been a long time since I blogged, since I wrote in my writing club, and a while since I even wrote on my own.
My last post was 2 years ago when I turned 40. It feels like a lifetime ago. Has this pandemic aged us? These 4 months feel like they’ve been a whole year. Time has moved strangely through this pandemic. March felt like a crawl, while May went flying by. Some days feel soooo long. Those days include a lot of me laying on the couch watching #vanlife on youtube. We don’t go many places. Grocery stores, pick up take out orders, and work. So vanlife it is.
I started watching it because I was fascinated with so many of them being trapped during the pandemic. All of their videos were “trapped in Morocco” or “trapped in Argentina.” Let me tell you, there are a lot of criticisms I could make about vanlife, and I do at home on my couch, but I haven’t stopped watching it. All of the couples have found their way home and are filling their time (and videos) with projects. Projects feel purposeful. Watching them work on projects is relaxing. I get to imagine a life where work once again feels purposeful and future centered.
I am not saying my work has no purpose. But the future? It feels pretty uncertain. I don’t know exactly what we are all working for. I mean this in the sense that I cannot see past the next few weeks. This is the opposite of how I have lived my whole life. Not knowing how the next year will be leaves me feeling quite purposeless. So I watch other people’s purpose.
I do occasionally come up with plans or ideas. And then I get frustrated because I don’t know if they can happen or how they will happen. The news often grinds down my tiny hopes so I have to turn it off. And back to vanlife.