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Pandemic Life

August 10, 2020August 10, 2020Posted in travelTagged America, changes, dream big, expat planningLeave a comment

Spoiler alert: we don’t have Covid-19.

We waited forever to get results for my kid’s test. 20 days to be precise. We waited so long, I let my kid out of quarantine and got tested myself to go back to work. Drive thru CVS fail.

If this pandemic has taught me anything, it’s that I am super over certain things about this country. Healthcare is one of them. I’ve complained about it FOR YEARS. It’s expensive, inefficient, and needs so much improvement. Over the years I’ve read a lot about about it, worked in it, and argued with lots of coworkers and friends about it. I am tired of the idea that a diagnosis could devastate us into poverty.

I am also really over grind culture. Let’s be honest, I’ve been over it for quite some time. I’ve worked very hard as a nurse and to get advanced degrees. I’ve worked very hard to give my kids a different life than I had in poverty. It’s taken a lot to get them opportunities and a college education.

Another thing I am tired of is state sanctioned violence. AKA police brutality. How many protests? How many videos? How long do we have to wait for change? Most people I know are frustrated about this.

The fourth thing I am tired of we have actually had a reprieve from. Mass shootings. I am tired of that being a normal state of existence. Staying home has at least decreased the incidence of that, especially in schools. One day I got a text from my youngest in college. I was working and she said she was sheltering in place for a possible shooter. I am so frustrated that America has decided guns are worth that risk.

So after complaining about all of the things I’ve always complained about, what are we doing? We are looking to sell our house and move. How will we move in a pandemic? We are not 100% sure, but we are doing it. ✌️

Waiting Game

July 15, 2020July 15, 2020Posted in travelTagged health, pandemic, Parenting, worry1 Comment

Preface: Science is real and so is Covid-19

My oldest kid had a fever last Thursday. 100.4. They were sent home from work (yes, I said they-they/them pronouns are being used). Because of this, I have quarantined them in their bedroom with a designated bathroom. All day long we deliver food on disposable plates to limit dishes going in and out. We text and call to check in. They have a thermometer and check their temp.

I am home from work. My work wants me to stay home until we get test result. Have you tried to take a a test recently? There is a lot of searching online for available appointments. Because getting a test requires an appointment. I finally got one by getting up at 4:30 to see the newly released appointments. Now we wait. Test results are taking a while-7-10 days.

There are 4 of us at home and we all trying to manage this situation. Sometimes I wonder if I am being to strict. But I know this was the CDC recommendation when one member of a household is suspected to have Covid-19.

In many ways, we are so lucky. We have enough money, insurance, etc. But we also worry. And get anxious about everything. So far we haven’t seen any new symptoms. I’m holding onto that as good news.

Pandemics are a great time to go back to blogging

July 10, 2020July 10, 2020Posted in travelTagged life plans, pandemic, purposeLeave a comment

It’s been like years, right?

Which means this post will probably be ready by zero people. Despite that, I have been feeling like getting back into writing. It’s been a long time since I blogged, since I wrote in my writing club, and a while since I even wrote on my own.

My last post was 2 years ago when I turned 40. It feels like a lifetime ago. Has this pandemic aged us? These 4 months feel like they’ve been a whole year. Time has moved strangely through this pandemic. March felt like a crawl, while May went flying by. Some days feel soooo long. Those days include a lot of me laying on the couch watching #vanlife on youtube. We don’t go many places. Grocery stores, pick up take out orders, and work. So vanlife it is.

I started watching it because I was fascinated with so many of them being trapped during the pandemic. All of their videos were “trapped in Morocco” or “trapped in Argentina.” Let me tell you, there are a lot of criticisms I could make about vanlife, and I do at home on my couch, but I haven’t stopped watching it. All of the couples have found their way home and are filling their time (and videos) with projects. Projects feel purposeful. Watching them work on projects is relaxing. I get to imagine a life where work once again feels purposeful and future centered.

I am not saying my work has no purpose. But the future? It feels pretty uncertain. I don’t know exactly what we are all working for. I mean this in the sense that I cannot see past the next few weeks. This is the opposite of how I have lived my whole life. Not knowing how the next year will be leaves me feeling quite purposeless. So I watch other people’s purpose.

I do occasionally come up with plans or ideas. And then I get frustrated because I don’t know if they can happen or how they will happen. The news often grinds down my tiny hopes so I have to turn it off. And back to vanlife.

I hope you all are well.

Gratitude

May 29, 2018May 29, 2018Posted in California, Hotels, Palm Desert, rancho mirage, travel, Uncategorized, vacationsTagged California, desert, Palm Desert, rancho mirage, Ritz Carlton1 Comment

My husband went all out for my 40th birthday. And it was great. We indulged in luxury and relaxation with some of our favorite people. We spent memorial day weekend in the California desert at the Ritz-Carlton.

Some years back, my old work partnered with Ritz-Carlton to develop a program for the organization. And I heard a lot about the Ritz-Carlton experience. It planted a seed that one day I wanted to stay at a RC property. Back in January, we visited the NOLA property to listen to jazz and have drinks. And I remembered my desire to stay at one. So we decided to plan a trip for my big 4-0.

We chose the Ranch Mirage location because we could make it a weekend that included friends. This way some friends could stay at the resort with us. The others stayed locally at a condo they owned.

We barely left the resort except to drop our kids (and the dog) off at the Holiday Inn Express and to go to the spa at the JW resort (it’s cheaper). We didn’t splurge for the adult children, but I think they still had fun coming back to the RC for breakfast.

The property is situated up on a hill overlooking Palm Desert, Palm Springs, and the other desert cities. It was actually great to be off away from the busier Memorial weekend crowds. The weather was unusually cooler all week in Southern California, which was great for our trip. Cooler meaning it was in the 90s in the desert. Our room was next to the adult pool which meant less kids and more lounging. Our room had a patio, a fire pit, and a deep soaking bath tub that I made a point to enjoy!

The service was the highlight of the property. Everyone went out of their way to be friendly and helpful. It was an exceptional customer service experience. Service like laying out towels on the longer chairs before you sit down by the pool. At check in, spending 15 min showing us the map of the property, getting ice for the wine we had brought, and putting our luggage away for us. There were a lot of kind greetings and helpful staff.

Our dinner was on the property at State Fare. We had great service and everyone loved their food. I was bummed that they had run out of the specific vegetarian meal on the menu. I got pasta primavera and it was decent. But most of all, I had great company and felt very grateful for my husband, my kids, and my friends.

My friend Kristin said she felt so grateful for our weekend trip to the desert. I told her she deserved to relax. She answered by saying that there are so many people who work hard and deserve it, so she knows she is lucky. And it’s true. We are very lucky to have been able to have a weekend like this.

Self Care Saturdays

May 15, 2018May 16, 2018Posted in mental health, self-care, UncategorizedTagged mental-health, self-care3 Comments

When I was planning my transition out of my weekend job, I started thinking about taking some time for myself. It was something I started calling self care Saturday. I usually left for work at 0540 in the mornings on Saturday and finished up at three in the afternoon. I realized I was pretty tired on the weekends. Most days, I took a 15 minute nap when I got home.

But when I found another job during the week, I was able to plan leaving my weekend job. At the same time I had been thinking about how I needed to take care of myself. On a weekend that my daughter was home from college, she and I got some face masks to do one Saturday. I also bought some tea treat oil and started doing a foot soak on Saturdays. Sitting in my back yard for 15 minutes with my feet soaking in warm water with the smell of tea tree oil is really relaxing.

I have also started a exercise routine with my running buddy, Teddy. I drag myself out because I know it makes me feel better. It helps my mood. And I know there is tons of evidence that exercise is beneficial for your mood, but sometimes I really forget how true it is.

I really want to continue this kind of self care into my 40s. I’d like to do more things to honor myself and my time instead of watching TV or scrolling through the internet. What are you doing for self care? Do you have a routine?

One Last Foot In

April 30, 2018May 16, 2018Posted in healthcare, I have no freakin life, jobs and crap, teaching, Uncategorized2 Comments

I mentioned last post, I have 3 jobs. One is on the weekend. It’s teaching nursing. But I am about 2 weeks away from being done with nursing. In fact, today I took my stash of scrubs from the job I had for 8 years and put them in the goodwill pile. I decided I don’t have to hang onto them just in case.

I have a hard time explaining to people why I changed careers. It seems confusing to everyone, even though it makes sense for me. I liked helping people. I was good at it. But nursing wasn’t my passion. It wasn’t my dream job. It was something I did because, I needed a job, I was good at math and science, and I liked helping people. I don’t resent it. Even my therapist was like, but why did you quit.

Because I want to pursue things I have loved for my whole life that are not a part of nursing. Words. Language. Writing. Literature. Critical analysis of all of the above.

It’s kind of scary leaving an economically stable field like nursing. Union wages. Hospital benefits. Yearly raises. Teaching adults is a field of mostly part time jobs, which is why I have 3. Hopefully this year I can whittle that down to one.

Making Room for Joy

March 9, 2018Posted in Canada, friendship, travel, vacations, VancouverTagged Canada, girl's trip, travel, vacation, Vancouver2 Comments

I’ve been working a lot, every weekend and Monday through Thursday a lot. One of my friends, during a discussion on professional development classes, said that I am always going somewhere. He said it because I told him I am going to Canada in June, so I can’t take a class with him. I replied back with the fact that I have 3 jobs. And one day off a week. So, yeah, I need some time for travel.

So far, this year I have gone to NOLA and Vancouver. One with my husband and the other with the best travel girlfriends a person could have. We had a great time and they made me laugh so much.

We did touristy things like visit Granville island, visit the Capilano Suspension Bridge, and shop in the city center. We also ate at cute neighborhood markets, had afternoon tea in neverland, visited a whiskey bar in gastown and laughed so hard we cried. We watched women’s Olympic hockey in a Canadian bar, and we were the only people cheering for USA (and USA won!).

I’ve known these girls for years. We are completely different. We don’t have the same beliefs and politics. But we were all teenage mothers who lived on the same street as single moms. We are connected by a shared experience and our continued friendship is an amazing kind of sisterhood. When I returned, I really reflected on the joy they bring me and how grateful I am to have them.

Remember to find joy with the people in your life.

Happy 300th Birthday New Orleans!

January 30, 2018January 30, 2018Posted in travelLeave a comment

This year is NOLA’s 300th birthday. Which is part of the reason every travel expert/magazine is telling you to visit this year. I didn’t know that when I booked our first trip of 2018. I just wanted a cheap flight (offset by miles) and somewhere fun my husband and I hadn’t been together.

Some years back I went to NOLA for a conference but my husband hadn’t been since he was in the army, stationed in Louisiana in the early 90’s. His mother had lived in NOLA as a kid, and when she was in the hospital told us about running around the city at 13.

We stayed at the Embassy Suites (Hilton property as usual) which is conveniently located in the warehouse district and has a free breakfast. They also upgraded me to a balcony room, bonus, but the trip was during that crazy cold storm that hit the east coast. It was like 30-40 degrees and we weren’t hanging out on the balcony in that weather (hello, we’re from California).

It was a great way to enjoy the new year. One of the best places we ate was Peche, which was blocks from our hotel. We had a planned list of a lot of places to try, and we had divided them up by day. We were only there from a Wednesday night to Saturday afternoon, so we divided the two full days between us to plan. I had Thursday and my husband had Friday. We found Peche Wednesday night completely unplanned, which is how travel usually goes. The usually packed bar was pretty empty, probably because it was the Wednesday after new years but before the beginning of Mardi Gras, and it was 35 degrees outside. We ate so amazing food, oysters, smoked tuna and saltines, and some cheese croquettes. I tried the sazerac, a classic whiskey drink that originated in NOLA.

Part of our Wednesday night included the Davenport lounge at the the Ritz Carlton, for cocktails and jazz.

The plans for my day included hitting up the essential NOLA institutions: Jackson square to see the Louisiana live oaks and contemplate Whitman’s poetry; coffee and beignets and Cafe du Monde; visiting the Presbytere, across from Jackson square to learn about the rise of New Orleans through slavery (this is a must history lesson for only $6), jazz on Frenchman street; and dinner at a local black owned business, The Praline Connection. During the day we also walked through the 8th ward and saw street art, and had coffee in the newly refurbished St. Roche market. I tried to plan our outings to mindful of the impact of tourism, gentrification, and the history of the city. What’s good about St. Roche is that it was part of post Katrina revitalization, but has local businesses making amazing food stalls. Like Fritai (Haitian), Empanola (Argentinian), and La Mezcla Mexicana. All three of these include female part owners and Latinx or black owners. When watching food videos before my trip, I saw a lot new cool restaurants with white chefs doing creole or soul food. I decided to make an effort to support business owned by non-white people.

We saw this amazing art through the window of the federal building. Powerful Katrina image that many of us have forgotten.

8th ward street art

New Orleans Museum of Art

At the art museum: This was the inside of a Lincoln cabin-esque house built by gold, bullets, iphones, pills, etc on a foundation of shackles for slaves.

The Time Twitter Found Me a Taxi and I Slept in the Airport

January 10, 2018Posted in anxiety, Belgrade, serbia, travelTagged belgrade serbia europe1 Comment

Sometimes travel is crazy. Sometimes you take turns sleeping on a restaurant bench in the airport waiting for staff to arrive. Sometimes you can use the internet to find English speaking taxis to pick you up from your Airbnb in a foreign country in the middle of the night.

Earlier this year, my friend and I went on a crazy adventure to Europe. We flew Air Serbia because we found a ridiculous flight deal for $149 round trip. This meant flying to Belgrade and flying out of Belgrade. I booked an Airbnb for our arrival and one for the night before our departure. This was because our flight times to leave were changed by the airline, which interfered with our train from Vienna connection. Originally we were going to take the long train and then fly home. Instead we had to take the train the day before, sleep one night in Belgrade, and fly out very early.

I looked for an Airbnb closest to the airport with some decent reviews. All of my Airbnb experiences have been pretty good, so I had a lot of faith. The host and I corresponded about my arrival to the train station and for an extra bit of money, she said she could arrange transportation from the train station to the Airbnb. Since we were arriving after dark, fairly late, I thought this would work out well.

After the long train ride, we were pretty tired. Serbian trains are cheap but NOT super luxurious. We played games on My friend’s phone, are strange flavored chips, and tried to cope with the smoke from other passengers. It was not my favorite part of travel. We looked around the train station for our ride, and picked up snacks from the shop in the train station while we waited.

I heard someone say my name, and turned around to find two girls ready to drive us. Um, they were not the Airbnb host. One of them said the host asked them to pick us up, but her English was pretty limited and I had only learned thank you in Serbian. On the drive, the car died twice. They didn’t appear to know exactly where they were going, as in maybe had never been there, and they were reading directions off of the phone with a lot of questions. Along the drive I used google maps to be sure we were going the right way. I didn’t want to get lost with two girls who could hardly say anything to us. when we arrived, we weren’t in the same apartment as the photos. Also it smelled like smoke everywhere. The plan was that we were supposed to be picked up from the train and be driven to the airport in the early morning. The girls said they would be back in the morning.

I’m aware that I sound like a western spoiled traveler, but I wasn’t feeling like their car was absolutely for sure getting us to the airport on time. I have late to airport anxiety (its real) and I am not one of those it will work out people when it comes to air travel. Also I can’t stand sleeping in a smoky apartment. I was raised by a smoker and I have no more tolerance for smoke on everything while I am trying sleep. So I got on the internet and searched for English taxis in Belgrade. Eventually I found one on twitter and one I could contact via Skype using the apartment wifi. Yay!

I called us a taxi, and dragged my friend to the airport at 1 am. The only problem is, Belgrade’s airport is so small, you can’t get a boarding pass or go through security until everyone shows up. SO we slept for like 4 hours on food court bench seats. I always tell my kids, I can find anything on the internet, and so far, its worked out pretty well. Have you had any stressful travel moments where the internet was a lifesaver?

Therapeutic Conversation

December 24, 2017December 24, 2017Posted in depression, grown up stuff, I need therapy, therapy2 Comments

In nursing, there certain skills you learn to talk to people in a therapeutic way. I try to teach my students these skills each weekend (for 1 of my 3 jobs). Things like active listening, open ended questions, and helping patients talk about their goals instead of listening to you try to give them goals. Mastering this with patients doesn’t mean you master them in your personal life, but I will credit these skills with creating a less confrontational me and a more patient me in my relationships. I also have learned to not assume everyone’s problems are about me, which has been HUGE.

Despite that, I still struggle with relationships.

This year, when I returned from my glorious trip to Europe, I didn’t work for like a month. And then I got kind of scared because I am still paying for a kid and college and was like, ok, I need a job now.

And now I have three jobs. Basically. Because people don’t hire full time teachers for adults unless you have a PhD or are willing to work for $25 an hour. I know. No one feels sorry for me because I won’t accept $25 an hour. But I can’t. So instead I got 3 part time jobs to add up to a full time one. And it’s hard. Sometimes I feel like quitting. Or running away. And I started to feel trapped by my responsibilities. And lonely. And depressed. For no apparent reason.

So I found someone to pay to listen to my problems and use therapeutic conversation skills on me. And even though I would probably say the same things to a patient that she says to me, it seems to take hearing from her to believe it.

But it’s also pretty crappy. Basically I paid someone to open Pandora’s box. All of the crappy things that happened to me in the first 19 years of my life, that I thought I had managed to shove down a deep, dark pit have now resurfaced. I knew I had baggage, but I just remembered why I don’t like talking about it. Because it sucks so much.

Anywho. Here’s to being almost forty and still trying to figure it out.